Written April 4, 2020
Maybe you’re a stay at home parent by choice or maybe with all that’s going on in our world right now, you are forced to be. Time with our kids is such a joy, but can also be so challenging, as I’m sure you know! I find myself, I’m sure like many, though present physically with my kids for long periods of time, or all the time, that I find myself distracted by other things. Let’s face it, there are always chores to do, errnands to do, redecorating to be done, Pinterest ideas galore to look at, finances to think about, and on and on the list goes. When I’m distracted with these things, though, I feel it! And I see the effects of it around me. My kids’ laughter and play is no longer cute, it’s annoying. The dirty dishes are no longer a cause for thanksgiving that we had a tasty meal together as a family, but an extra duty for me to do. Distraction, though part of life, is a quick way to derail joy and a thankful heart.
How To Stop Distracted Parenting
If you find yourself constantly frustrated with your kids, or the small things that go wrong in your day (like me spilling beads on the floor and unsuccessfully scrubbing play dough out of the table this morning), pause! Put the kids in their rooms for a few minutes, put your phone down (or another room), stop your chores, sit down for a moment, and take a deep breath. The small things are usually not the cause of our frustration and outbursts, but more of an outward symptom that there is something stirring in or straining our hearts. The pause is vital! Pausing, rather than continuing down the same path of reacting, allows us to examine our hearts and identify the true cause of the frustration, so that we can address it.
What to do When You're Frustrated With Your Kids
I’ve found that both of my children act out, are more emotional, and more demanding when I have not spent focused time with them and connected with them on a heart to heart level. Especially at a young age, children need the safety of their parents, they need to have heart to heart time in order to feel safe and loved. When they don’t feel that safety and the strength that comes from emotional connection, it manifests by acting out. And really, this doesn’t change much as we age. Whether or not our primary love language is quality time, we all need it to some extent. Even as the parent, often when we get distracted and frustrated, we need to pause ourselves and turn our attention back to our Father and experience the same heart to heart connection with our heavenly dad as our children need to experience with us. This heart connection is fellowship, and it is not only healing, but transforming. It is a surefire way to put a harness on frustration, anger and disappointment, and once those two are shut down, healing and restoration can start to take place.
This is seen so many times in the gospels - a single encounter with Jesus turns peoples’ lives upside down. Just think about the woman at the well who was an outsider and came to draw water when no one else was around, so she didn’t have to endure their looks of shame. One encounter with Jesus and she does just the opposite; she runs to the town and tells everyone she sees, “Come see a man who told me everything I ever did!” In a moment, her greatest shame became her greatest testimony, and her victory. Think of all of the physical and emotional healings that took place when Jesus came in the room - lepers cleansed, blind who received sight, deaf who could hear, lives changed in powerful ways. Remember the testimonies who have gone before you, and take the time today to pause, to let everything else fade, and to fix your eyes on Jesus. Take a moment to sit at his feet or wrapped up in His arms, and let Him love you today; let His love transform and heal you. And then, do the same for your children - look them in their eyes, get on their level, wrap them up in your arms and connect with them like only you can. Enjoy them in this season! They are only little for such a little while!
Comments